Childbirth is a significant event in a woman’s life. It certainly has been in my life. And as a birth doula, I’ve seen it impact other women’s lives hugely as well. I think many women would love to have a natural, calm birth. I feel so blessed that I’ve gotten to experience that.
In this article, I’ll be sharing the story of my 3rd birth, with my son, Lazlo. We had a hospital birth with my first baby, Mara, although I would have loved to have a home birth. But the circumstances just didn’t line up for us. Two years later we had a Birthing Center birth with our second baby, Jemma. But that was at the very beginning of covid and lockdowns. So we labored at home for as long as possible before heading to the Birth Center. We arrived about 20 minutes before she was born. And two years after that, we decided to keep things simple and plan for the birth to happen at home.
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Why I opted for a natural calm birth:
With my first birth, I had wanted to see if I could do a natural, unmedicated birth. My labor was relatively straightforward. But I ultimately was not prepared for how to cope with the intensity of labor and opted for an epidural. Although the epidural provided a blissful break from the pain and a nice nap after laboring all night, it was a strange experience. I struggled to feel enough to push effectively, and ultimately, my daughter’s heart rate decelerations were not recovering rapidly enough. I ended up with a chaotic flood of people into the room, an OB telling me he was going to need to help get the baby out, an episiotomy and vacuum delivery, and a baby being placed on my chest while the training OB spent 45 minutes stitching me up.
My recovery was not easy after Mara’s birth, with the episiotomy scar giving me problems for months. Although I know that having an epidural did not necessarily equal the sequence of events leading to the episiotomy and assisted delivery, I decided that I wanted to do everything I could to avoid the need for an episiotomy again. So with my second pregnancy, I prepared much more intentionally for labor. We planned a birth outside of the hospital, where it would be harder for me to opt to get an epidural.
Early Pregnancy:
We found out we were pregnant with Lazlo in October 2021. I took a pregnancy test as part of the follow up process after a suspected ectopic miscarriage we experienced in September. That miscarriage had happened after a straightforward early miscarriage in June.
We were moving from our small apartment into our current, slightly larger home the morning I took the pregnancy test. We were going to our new place to be there for when a washing machine was being delivered. My main thought was, “I need to get through this list of cleaning before I either miscarry this baby or start to experience nausea and exhaustion!”
I texted my midwife, we scheduled an early ultrasound to make sure the baby was growing in the right place, and I frantically cleaned and packed and unloaded in our new house.
After a few weeks, I began to experience my normal pregnancy symptoms. But they weren’t quite as bad as with the girls (nausea but no throwing up this time). I was definitely exhausted, though. With the move, the cleaning, and trying to get settled, it was a long month. Since we moved from a furnished apartment, we didn’t have a bed. We were waiting for the new mattress and bed frame we’d ordered to arrive. So Gabe and I slept on twin mattresses we’d borrowed on the floor. I remember taking a LOT of naps on those mattresses. We also didn’t have much furniture – just two chairs that someone had given us. I’d shove them together and make an improvised “loveseat” and lay down on it while the girls played around me.
A Promise Through the Hard Stage of 1st Trimester Doubts:
I wasn’t sure how I would manage to be a mom of three kids in those early, exhausting days of pregnancy. But one of the things the Lord told me was, “Dani, my grace is sufficient for you WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT. You don’t need grace to mother three kids yet, so you don’t have it. But when you do need it, I’ll provide it.”
I was pretty sure the baby I was carrying was a boy. The due date was 17 June, which I knew was close to the one year anniversary of the first miscarriage we’d had. I already knew if this baby was a boy, we’d name him Lazarus Loren and call him Lazlo. That was the name we’d chosen for a boy during Jemma’s pregnancy. Lazarus means “God is my Helper.” But for Gabe and me, it also means “God has power even over death” and “God is a resurrector.” I felt like the date was just too significant and that name too significant to NOT have it be a boy.
Second and Third Trimester and Natural Calm Birth Prep:
My pregnancy progressed relatively normally. Unlike with both the girls’ pregnancies, this time around, there was no IUGR concerns. My fundal height kept growing (sometimes slowly at the end, but it was continued growth).
Once the nausea and exhaustion of the first trimester passed for me, I made a point to walk regularly. I began implementing Spinning Babies suggestions for optimal positioning at the beginning of the third trimester. And I ate far more meat and dairy than usual in an effort to keep my protein intake high enough to avoid any IUGR developments. I was doing everything I knew to do to accomplish a natural, calm home birth.
Stress Leading Up to Birth:
My midwife, Charlotte, was due to go on holiday for a week at 41 weeks. I really thought I’d have the baby early because I felt really prepared. I’d nested like no tomorrow and got everything around the house just how I wanted it. Gabe and I even worked through some of the less pleasant memories of the girls’ births and postpartum. I had a robust plan in place for postpartum care and delineating what Gabe was going to be responsible for. We both felt prepared to make a natural, calm home birth happen.
Well. I didn’t. In fact, I carried Lazlo longer than I’d carried any of the babies! I knew I didn’t want to seek any medical interventions before 41 weeks. But I did feel the pressure of Charlotte leaving.
Both Mara and Jem’s births had time pressures around them (Mara’s with a looming induction due to IUGR and Jem’s with the looming lockdown). It was like my brain was expecting there to be a looming deadline and was trying to make one happen.
Two days before Lazlo was born I went and walked curbs to try to encourage this baby to get moving. I told Jesus I felt like I wasn’t sure which midwife was going to be at the birth and that was stressing me out. Then I distinctly remember Jesus asking, “Would you like me to be your midwife, Dani?” And that was such a relief – of COURSE I wanted Jesus to midwife me! I felt like, with the Creator of my body and the baby’s body on deck, surely we had the best chance possible at a natural, calm birth!
Trying to Get Things Moving:
I’d started having contractions at night for a couple hours at a time leading up to my due date. It wasn’t every night, but it was common enough that once I couldn’t sleep through them, I’d get up, time them, and then wait to see if they continued or petered out.
The day before Lazlo was born, we did an extra long Spinning Babies session that night (Tuesday), and figured we’d take 24 hours off from doing anything. I had until 5pm Thursday if I wanted Charlotte to be at the birth. So, I went to bed about 10pm feeling normal – heavy and tired!
I woke up at about 2am because Jemma came in needing help going to the bathroom. As I went to get out of bed, a contraction hit. I thought it was just a strong Braxton Hick, which were common for me to get whenever I moved positions. Gabe got up instead while I waited there. While he got Jem resettled, I had another contraction. “Here we go again,” I thought, thinking this was going to be another round of ineffective prodromal labor. I debated whether to get up or just try to lay there and go back to sleep.
Although I was tired, I felt like this might be the best chance to get things going. I laid there through 5 contractions almost dozing. But they kept coming about every 3 minutes apart, so I decided to get up. I was listening to Brene Brown’s “Daring Greatly” on audiobook, so I turned that on in my headphones while I paced the house in the dark. I’d stop and do abdominal lift and tuck through each contraction as I felt them coming. I remembering thinking, “Well, this is perfect environment for a natural, calm birth!”
Natural Birth Go Time!
My contraction pattern was 40-60 seconds long, every 3 or so minutes. They were mild, but they gradually got a bit stronger to the extent that after 10 Lift and Tucks, I’d stand and lean against the counter and sway and focus on different patterns on the floor.
I woke up Gabe about 3:30 to let him know what was happening. Although I told him he could keep sleeping, he didn’t, and he got up about 15 minutes later.
I was referencing my list in my “birth plan” notebook, bringing in supplies from the sleep out, so he helped me make up the bed with the shower curtain. Then I texted my friend Claire, who was planning to be Mara’s companion during the birth. I didn’t hear anything back from her.
I was debating about when to call my friend Jules and call Claire, and I felt like the Lord impress on me, “You need to CALL your friends, not text them, because this is going to pick up soon. You’ll have the baby at 8am.”
I ended up calling both Claire and Jules as a result of that impression, even though I still wasn’t entirely sure I was in labour that would continue.
Gathering My Support Team:
Claire and Jules both showed up about 5am, and Gabe had managed to get the birth tub set up by then, while I’d had a bite to eat and was working on unloading the dishwasher. My contractions had continued to happen every 3-5 minutes apart, strong enough that I would pause what I was doing and focus through the hardest part. But I was still very much present in the world.
I joked that this was going to be the real test – would the contractions continue with other people there?
It was shortly after they arrived that I realized how tired I was – I remember just wanting a nap so desperately.
We decided to do the 3 Sisters of Balance again while the birth tub started filling. I suggested that we hold side-lying release through three contractions on each side. Jules had to really talk me through that. I hate doing side-lying release during contractions! Sometimes there is a bit of a pause with contractions after side-lying release (this had happened for me during Jem’s birth). I was really hoping I’d have a 20-30 minute break in contractions so I could maybe get a nap. It felt like even 5 minutes of sleep would make all the difference in the world. I knew I’d need mental and physical energy to make it through a natural birth.
After we finished the 3 Sisters of Balance, I laid down and tried to rest because I knew it was probably going to continue to amp up, and this might be my best bet for a snooze. I remember feeling very cold, and just wanting Gabe’s body heat and comforting presence. I laid on the bed with blankets piled on me, shaking like crazy and shivering.
Labor Gets Real:
“I can’t possibly be in transition,” I thought to myself. “It’s way too soon. I know too much about birth. I’m psyching myself out into thinking I’m farther along than I am.”
I laid on my side, with Gabe at my back counting me through contractions. I had my left leg bent and up on my make shift peanut ball pillow. The contractions did seem to space out a bit – and I dozed off between contractions – but with every contraction I could feel the baby’s head descending farther and farther into my pelvis. I realized during that “nap” that there was no turning back – this was the real thing and it wasn’t going to stop until the baby came out!
By 7am, I got up because I wasn’t getting much sleep anymore. Just as I was coming out the bedroom door, a big contraction hit. I barely made it to the counter top to lean against it and try to stay on top of my coping strategies. I had just been thinking, “I wonder if it is time to call Charlotte?”
But then a second big contraction hit right after the first one, and I thought, “Whoa, that was a double header,” and then 5 seconds later ANOTHER big contraction hit. I could feel the baby getting lower and lower with each one. I looked up at Claire and told her very firmly, “Take my phone outside and call Charlotte and tell her to come. I’m getting in the tub.”
I was desperately hoping the warm water would help take the pain away and relax my body better. It didn’t help the pain much, but it did help me relax my body, and another contraction or two later, I felt a “pop” in my pelvis as my water broke.
Final Stretch of Natural Labor and Organizing the Kids:
Just about then the girls woke up, so Gabe got them dressed and took Jemma over to our friends (who live at the end of our driveway). Mara started trying to help by getting rags and a bowl of water to mop my brow.
I knew birth was going to happen pretty soon, but I wasn’t worried about whether Charlotte would make it or not. I knew if she wasn’t there when the baby came out, she’d be there soon. And I was confident that between Jules, Claire, Gabe, and me, we’d take care of the baby OK.
Charlotte showed up about 7:30, and the pushy feeling was getting stronger. It definitely felt like a really terrible constipation poo. I wanted to bear down and get it done with, but I also wanted to clench up and make it stop (which, of course, it wouldn’t!).
Jules stayed right by my face reminding me to not push, just breathe. Gabe stayed right next to her counting me through the contractions. Claire filled the gaps with helping me visualize pumpkin soup and blowing on it with my out breath, and talking quietly with Mara about what was happening.
I stayed on my knees, leaning against the pool, until Charlotte suggested I reach down and feel the baby. It was such a foreign feeling to be touching skin but not have it be my skin with my nerves responding to my touch. I knew I only had a few more contractions to go – I looked at the clock and it said “7:50.” “This baby might actually be born by 8am!” I thought.
He’s Born!
In the next few contractions, I pushed the head out (the ring of fire seemed to last a LONG time! I think it was 4 contractions total, but they felt like eternity). Charlotte asked if I wanted to catch the baby, so we maneuvered me around to sitting and leaning against the side of the tub. I remember feeling the baby’s ear and thinking, “This really is a baby! This is my baby and I’m about to meet it!”
With the next contraction I pushed the baby out and brought it up to my chest. I said something like, “You’re out! You’re here!”
Gabe asked after several long moments, “Do you want to find out what it is?”
To be honest, I hadn’t even though of it, but when he mentioned that, I remembered that I didn’t know what the baby was, so I said, “Oh, yeah!” and lifted the baby off my chest enough to see it was a boy.
I could tell the baby was a good size. He ended up being 4 kg – 8 lb, 14 oz.
Sweet Moments:
Claire had started a playlist of calm music on shuffle from my phone at some point, and most of it was instrumental music. But moments after Lazlo was born, Bethany Banard’s song, “Feast of Your Faithfulness” came on, which I’d listened to on repeat after the miscarriage last September. It was such a poignant reminder of God’s faithfulness to us.
The sun was streaming through the window, it was just moments after 8am, and overlooking the whole scene we realized that the orchid which friends had given us last September had JUST burst open (it wasn’t blooming the night before – I assume the humid heat from the birth pool next to it probably helped!).
Lazlo was born on June 22nd. 364 days since we’d found out about the first pregnancy we lost.
He is truly our reminder of Resurrection Life!
After all the newborn checks and my postpartum checks had been done, everything got cleaned up. Gabe went and got Jemma from the neighbors (she was only there about an hour and a half, but she was excited that she’d gotten to have breakfast with them).
I remember lying in bed, snuggling Lazlo, thinking: “This is how every birth should be!”
From start to finish, I figure it was about 6 hours of labour, but probably only about an hour and a half of active labour. If I could have scripted the birth, I probably would have had it play out exactly the way it did. It was truly a beautiful, peaceful, special experience.
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