Having a natural home birth is something many women hope for and dream about. And it is also something that sounds terrifying and is the very last thing many women would ever imagine wanting! I say, “To each her own!”
Birth is an intense, powerful, overwhelming thing to conceptualize and to experience, and each woman should have the freedom and support to choose whatever is best for herself and her own situation.
For me, I wanted a natural home birth with our first baby (Mara), but circumstances didn’t line up. Due to the situation around our first baby’s birth, I don’t think I really dared hope or entertain the idea of a natural home birth with our second baby, Jemma (although we did have a natural birth at a local Birthing Center with her). With our third baby, due to the circumstances around our second baby’s birth, I felt confident pursuing a natural home birth. Our third baby, Lazlo, arrived in a beautiful, empowering home birth in a birth tub in our living room.
And due to the peacefulness of Lazlo’s birth, it was basically not even a discussion regarding what we would plan for our fourth baby’s birth. The “conversation” between my husband, Gabe, and myself went something like:
Me: “Are you good with another home birth for this baby?”
Gabe: “Yeah. That sounds great.”
Me: “Sweet!”
Why I Planned for a Natural Home Birth:
Mara’s hospital birth was not my favorite experience: it was isolating, disorienting, and ultimately disempowering. I had prepared and really thought I could have a natural, physiological birth, and when I chose to get an epidural after we arrived at the hospital, it undermined my confidence in myself and my body. My desires felt impossible, my voice felt turned down, and birth felt like something that was done TO me rather than something I was doing myself.
Jemma’s birth redeemed aspect of Mara’s birth: I labored with friends (and Gabe) at home, so I felt closely connected with other women. And I drew strength from the communal presence. Due to the home environment up until the VERY end, my voice felt more amplified and my desires more supported. But I doubted I could successfully have a natural birth all the way up until after Jemma was in my arms. (And then I was on Cloud Nine!!!)
Lazlo’s birth was redemptive in the sense that I felt more confident going into labor that I could, indeed, have a natural, physiological birth. I felt very empowered because, since the whole thing was going down in my own house, I felt comfortable to do what I wanted to do and to call the shots as I intuited. I, again, drew strength from my friends present. But I also had part of the labor where I felt like Gabe was my main support. That was comforting.
So with our fourth pregnancy, I felt confident that the outcomes for myself and my baby would be positive (as long as there weren’t any strong indications that it would be unsafe). And since Lazlo’s birth had been such a good experience, it was an easy choice to plan toward a natural home birth again. (If you want to read this story in a lot more detail, I wrote up a narrative for friends and family and it is a bit more of a real, raw perspective on how this fourth birth went down.)
Early Pregnancy:
While I was fully hoping for and planning toward a natural home birth, I wouldn’t want to journey through pregnancy without the collaboration of a professional, trained, experienced midwife. So one of the first things I did after taking a pregnancy test was text the midwife I had with Jemma and Lazlo and ask her if she was available to be my midwife for this baby’s pregnancy and birth as well. Fortunately, Charlotte was willing and able to take me on, and I was thrilled, because Charlotte is one of my favorite people! Intentionally choosing my care provider is one of the key components for me to plan for a GOOD birth.
My usual experience of early pregnancy is intense exhaustion and nausea. I’m not always sure if they are just two things that happen, or if they linked together and form a bit of a cycle with each other. Either way, it was a usual early pregnancy for me.
This time, though, Gabe and I were training for a 10k “fun run,” so I continued to train and run during the first month I knew I was pregnant. I think this actually helped hold off the nausea a little. We did the fun run when I was about 8 weeks pregnant, and then we went on a 10 day family vacation. During that time, I wasn’t nearly as active and the exhaustion and nausea hit hard.
But, we made it through those early days, and since it was busy at home with the other kids, I had something else to focus on! And even when I did vomit, I had empathetic little people around to cheer me up!
2nd and 3rd Trimester and Natural Home Birth Prep:
Once the second trimester got under way and the nausea started to fade, my energy started to come back a bit. I don’t ever feel fully energized during any stage of pregnancy, but second trimester is better! So, I began working out regularly a few times a week and walking regularly on alternate days. I also started paying close attention to my diet and when I was eating food. I wrote this post with more detail about what I was doing at the end of pregnancy to prepare for the birth. Physical preparation was a big part of the 2nd trimester and leading into the 3rd trimester as well. I wanted to avoid things such as gestational diabetes, a breech baby, preeclampsia symptoms, intrauterine growth restriction, or anything else that could contribute toward potential complications with a planned natural home birth.
Concerns in the Third Trimester:
However, despite my proactive efforts (or, perhaps, in part due to them?? I’m not sure!), I did develop something that became a little bit of a concern for a few weeks during the third trimester. My fundal height measurements at my routine midwife appointments were lagging behind the expected measurements. Charlotte was concerned from her palpations that I may not have enough amniotic fluid. This condition is called oligohydramnios.
So, I started researching what complications of oligohydramnios, what might cause it, and what might be done to reverse it. Then I began making slight lifestyle changes to hopefully support optimum amniotic fluid levels. And they seemed to help! I eventually agreed to do a late ultrasound to check the amniotic fluid levels. Thankfully, the results came back with normal fluid levels! So I tried to stick with the lifestyle changes I’d made. Avoiding a diagnosis of oligohydramnios was an important piece of making sure I was confident continuing on the trajectory toward a natural home birth.
Coping with Going “Overdue”:
Once the oligohydramnios concern was mostly out of the way, it was very near the end of pregnancy. From there, it felt like a green light going into labor, we were just waiting for spontaneous labor to start.
I have gone past my “due date” with all of my pregnancies, and the trend has been that my pregnancies are getting longer. So I expected I wouldn’t have a baby in my arms until sometime after Week 40. The mental anticipation and expectation of that really helped me handle going 10 days past the “due date.” I tried to prioritize getting as much rest as possible, and keeping life moving forward as normal. And also doing things I enjoyed and looked forward to. I gave myself a lot of leeway to make decisions about my day based on how I felt each day, and I excused myself from anything that felt “obligatory” rather than what I wanted to do (other than the obvious aspects of being a mother and a conscientious adult in the world).
As a result, I honestly never felt super impatient with how long the pregnancy was going. I knew the baby would come whenever the baby was ready to come, and I wasn’t concerned that anything was abnormal.
VERY Slow Start to our Natural Home Birth:
On a Friday, about five days after my “due date,” I had a little time in the middle of the night where I was having regular contractions. They weren’t hard, and they weren’t very close together, but they were there. I tried to not get my hopes up, but I did hope a bit that maybe the baby was going to come that weekend (my midwife was on call for that weekend). With Mara and Jemma’s birth, once the contractions started happening, they seemed to get going. However, with Lazlo I had a couple nights of contractions before things finally started in earnest, so I knew it could be some “warming up” contractions that would stop and start for a bit.
The next night, nothing happened, but then the following morning I started to have contractions again. They continued on and off for most of the day, and by that afternoon, I did think things were going to get moving. I even notified my friends who were on call for supporting us with childcare, etc, to give them a head’s up. But then the contractions got lighter and farther apart and eventually seemed to stop all together. It was a false alarm.
That trend continued for the next three days. I’d have periods of time when the contractions were noticeable and happening relatively regularly, and then they’d slow down, space out, and sometimes stop for a couple hours or just continue at a really relaxed rate.
But during this time, I was starting to lose my mucus plug, so I was hopeful that all these early contractions were actually doing something to help progress labor once the contractions kicked in for real.
Things Finally Start Moving!
Shortly after midnight on Thursday morning, I woke up again. Contractions were coming every 7 minutes, lasting a little less than a minute long. I figured it was possibly early labor – or it might be nothing! Dozing and timing contractions, I tried to relax my body as much as possible. I got up about 1:30am, Gabe woke up, and we decided to set up the birth tub and fill it half way. And then we went back to bed to try to rest more.
At 4:30am I felt like something was starting to change. I wasn’t coping with the contractions as well. So, I decided to get up about 5am. I called Charlotte and asked her to start coming, although I wasn’t sure if she need to. Once I hung up with her, the contractions seemed to amp up – in intensity and frequency. I got into the birth pool hoping the water would help me get my groove back. The intensity felt like it had dialed up REALLY fast. After a few more contractions, I decided to try to start pushing. I felt like the baby was descending and it seemed like using my abdominal muscles to help it along might progress things. And I was getting really tired of experience contractions and wanting to be done with this whole process!
Gabe was with me, but otherwise we were alone. The kids were all asleep in their room. Gabe did an amazing job of supporting me – I’m not sure how he did it, because he was also moving around stoking the fire, getting towels out, topping up the birth tub, communicating with our friends about where they were and if they should come or not. But somehow, with each contraction, he would be at my side, talking me through it.
The Natural Home Birth of Baby #4:
Charlotte arrived at about 5:50am. I had been pushing through at least half a dozen contractions at that point, and it was feeling intense! I was ready to be done! Charlotte suggested I check and try to feel for the baby. I could feel the baby’s head just inside me, which was really encouraging because I knew we were hopefully going to be done soon!
The baby was born smoothly through three contractions. I got the head out and announced that to Gabe and Charlotte, then the torso came out with the next contraction. And then I pushed the hips and legs of the baby out with the third push, and lifted the baby up out of the water to my chest. That feeling of the baby coming out is both a big relief as well as a hugely triumphant experience!
Third Stage, Active Management, and Early Recovery:
After the baby was born, we woke up the other kids. They came out and were sleepy but so excited that the baby was finally here. Then I checked to see if the baby was a boy or a girl. I was shocked that it was a boy! My intuition had said girl… but I was obviously wrong!
We shared with the kids and Charlotte that the baby’s name was Thaddeus, and I enjoyed snuggling with little Thad on my chest in the birth tub. Then Charlotte suggested I move around to see if the placenta would come out, since the water in the birth tub was getting a bit dark.
It took a little bit of work (some coughing, a little traction) to get the placenta out. And then we realized that there were still some amniotic sac membranes that hadn’t come out, so I handed Thad off to my friend Desirée. Des had arrived because the plan was for her to take Lazlo to her house for the birth, but of course, we didn’t end up needing to send him away for the birth because he was sleeping through it! I moved to the couch and Charlotte and I worked some more on getting everything out.
Since I had lost a fair amount of blood, we decided it would be good to have the shot of Pitocin to help my uterus contract down. I had a second degree tear, so Charlotte suggested stitching that up. And then we had time to sit and chat and show the baby to the kids.
Reflections and Lessons Learned:
With Thad’s birth, I specifically felt throughout the last week of pregnancy that this baby’s story would be unique. And I wanted to make space for that. I wanted Thad’s place in our family – even leading up to his entrance into the outside world – to be uniquely and specifically his own. So I tried hard to not compare the end of pregnancy and early labor with him to any of the other kids, at least not in a way that indicated this labor and birth SHOULD be doing something similar to one of the other labors.
As it turns out, the first few weeks of Thad’s life have been different as well – breastfeeding started differently, his weight gain has been different, we’ve had to be a bit more intentional about supporting him to thrive. I’m glad I’ve tried to give his story space to unfold in its own unique way.
Something else that has been an interesting reflection regarding Thad’s birth is how redemptive the labor was – although it felt long and slow at times. With Mara’s labor, Gabe was my only support person for much of the labor, and we have both felt like we failed to work together as a unit to navigate labor. That was not at all the case with Thad’s labor and birth. Since the contractions stayed relatively far apart all the way until the last hour, I was able to feel more present with Gabe during the labor. He was able to provide hands-on support that felt really helpful: counter pressure, heat on my lower back, and talking me through the really intense contractions.
It feels really restorative and unifying to have finally had that experience of being a husband and wife unit working through labor together.
Closing Thoughts Regarding our Natural Home Birth:
I know planning for or executing a natural home birth isn’t for everyone. And sometimes even if it is desired, wisdom or circumstances make it impossible. As a result, I am so thankful to have had the opportunity to do a natural home birth twice now. They have both been beautiful, empowering, redemptive experiences. I have truly loved the experience (although, of course, it is an INTENSE experience!).
My encouragement is that if you are reading this and preparing to have a baby and you think you MIGHT like to have a natural home birth, follow that desire for a bit. See if you would be a good candidate. Get informed about what is involved in physiological birth and spontaneous labor. Find out if you can have a home birth midwife attend your birth. I have felt deeply empowered and transformed for the better through my natural home births.
Let me know in the comments below if you’re thinking of a home birth. Or, if you’ve had one or more, tell me about it! I love birth stories!
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